Maggie McReynolds on “When You Stop Making Sense”
Maggie McReynolds discussed how she decided to stop being afraid of things that used to be bad for her when she was very sick with toxic mold illness in a blog article.
From the article:
Clearly, I don’t feel safe and I don’t feel like I’m out of the woods, even though it’s been almost six years since I was bedridden from toxic mold, and I’ve regained my strength to the point that I’m walking a mile a day, driving long distances, standing and giving presentations, flying around the country, and living a mostly normal life.
I find, to my surprise, that some lizard-brain part of me is still fearful, and even superstitious. “Don’t get cocky,” that part of my brain whispers. “Don’t do that one thing that might push you back into devastating illness. And because you can’t know in advance what that ‘one thing’ might be, probably it’s safer if you just don’t do anything.”
Vestigial behaviors can be harmless. But in my case – and perhaps in yours – mine is keeping me from living full-out. It keeps me small. It gives me the illusion but not the reality of safety. It seduces me into not doing things I very much want to do.
I consider my vestigial behaviors a form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). There was absolutely a time in my life when doing something as simple as walking a block could send me into a physical crash that would leave me in bed for days. It’s no longer true, but I act as if it is. It’s not this extreme, but it’s not unlike a combat veteran flinching when a car backfires. The threat is no longer there, but the fear remains.
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