Matthew Hirschland on “Feeling Bigger on a Smaller World”
Matthew Hirschland wrote about returning to the San Francisco Bay Area and starting work at Google after pursuing mold avoidance in a Medium article called “Feeling Bigger in a Smaller World: A Life Update and Reflection.”
From the article:
I didn’t expect this year to work at all, and not only did it work, but it also brought me more happiness than I bargained for. Friends have shown me the kindness of outdoor Saturday brunches (while I fast). My colleagues have celebrated the way I work and offered more support than I ever expected. A long-distance romantic interest shares daily tidbits of cute animal videos mixed with socio-political thought pieces. My mom, grandma, and dad have all been a phone call away, each with their own form of wisdom and encouragement. Extended family have sent heartwarming emails. With all of the trials and tribulations, there is also joy, wonder, and growth.
This morning on Memorial Day, I did something audacious to celebrate the last 12 months; I broke out of my routine. Without a plan, I drove to Land’s End in San Francisco, went on a run-walk, tracked down an outdoor shower on one of the nearby surfing beaches to wash off, drove into the heart of the city, spent time in Dolores Park before it got too crowded, walked to the Castro, went inside a Philz Coffee to get caffeine and breakfast, and then sat out front writing this for a few hours. To most 20-somethings in the Bay Area, this probably seems uneventful. To me, it’s astounding with all of the reactions that I had that I have enough energy left to even finish writing this — though the exhaustion and symptoms are present. I have come so far with so much help from family, friends, and colleagues.
Early on, when I was living outdoors and focusing only on healing, I often felt tiny in a world that was too big. I felt like there was never enough of me even for me. I might have a good hour or two after drinking a full pot of coffee in a pristine location and diligently decontaminating. Now, I usually have enough of me for myself and some for others too. I cherish the stability I’ve experienced. Although my world can feel frustratingly small some days, I feel much bigger in it, and for that, I’m tremendously grateful.
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